I'm sorry

Hey, I just wanted to write a quick note to say I’m sorry.

We had big dreams, exciting goals, and every resource in the world … and I didn’t do it.

Why? Because I was afraid. At the time my fears felt big, but I was mistaken. Turns out you can block out all the magnificent light from the sun if you hold a small object close enough to your face.

I let tiny fears outweigh massive dreams.

And now that the opportunities have faded, so have the excuses. The most brutal truth has finally come to rest upon my shoulders: It was my fault, and mine alone.

So I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I didn’t make the call.

That I didn’t introduce myself to that person.

That I didn’t put a few bucks into an idea.

That I let others make choices for me.

That I couldn’t say “no”.

That I let you-know-who’s judgment influence me.

That I failed to try, instead of trying and failing.

That I mistook overthinking for progress.

That I forgot to smile.

That I let education impede my learning.

That I competed against anyone besides myself.

That I was lazy with relationships.

That I believed circumstances mattered.

That I didn’t define action from inaction.

That I believed I would live forever.

And now I am left alone, with my only companion being the same influence that held me back all those years: The voice inside my head.

I didn’t learn to ignore it during life. Now I can only hope the end will finally separate us.

By the way, I don’t care about whatever circumstance you find yourself in currently—I’d give anything to go back and switch places with you. In this very moment. Right now.

— A future letter I’ll never write